Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sobbing to NWA
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
