i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
