Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
