i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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