i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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