I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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