This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
