Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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