sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
