Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
