If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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