First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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