I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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