She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
