Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
