Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
