I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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