you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
