if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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