So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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