Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
