are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
