Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
