We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
