I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
