I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
