now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
