Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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