The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
