dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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