Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
