I am in a vortex of obligation.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
