Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
