i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
