when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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