My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
