I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
