There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
