I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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