i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
