Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can text with my tongue
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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