R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
