You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
