now i know why i became what i already was.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
