Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
