My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
