I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
