I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
