last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have aggressive nipples.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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