Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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