i would punch a child for taco bell
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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