He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
