im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
