youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
