I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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