Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
