is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
